Trevor Noah has decided to pick on a man he calls “the booger on the lip of democracy.” That would be Senator Ted Cruz, the target of a scathing nine-minute segment on Tuesday night’s episode of The Daily Show. A faux documentary about the senator, narrated by correspondent Desi Lydic, it lampoons everything from Cruz’s adolescent aspirations of “world domination” to his ill-advised trip to Cancún amid Texas’s state of emergency in rapid succession.
Noah’s takedown of Cruz arrives about a week after the pair engaged in a bitter Twitter feud. Cruz criticized a Daily Show segment opposing the policies that led to New York losing a congressional seat, while Texas picked up two. After some back-and-forth, Cruz wistfully recalled the days he thought The Daily Show “was funny,” inspiring Jon Stewart to get in on the action. “Ummm…you remember last night?? Bravo,” the former host tweeted.
Tuesday night’s dissertation began with close-up footage of Cruz speaking during a 2016 GOP primary debate. “Establishment Republican candidates were making their last stand against Donald Trump. And Senator Ted Cruz of Texas had a gross booger hanging on his lip,” Lydic declared via voiceover. “And then he ate it, as if none of us could see. This is Ted Cruz: the booger on the lip of democracy.”
From there, The Daily Show recounted how Cruz settled in Houston with his family at age four, attended Princeton University with a roommate who later referred to him as “a nightmare of a human being,” and met his wife, Heidi, after graduating from Harvard Law School. The segment even included a grainy clip of a young Cruz voicing his passion for appearing in an adult film and achieving “world domination.” “Yes, young Ted Cruz was obsessed with boobs and power—two things he would struggle to get his hands on for the rest of his life,” Lydic said.
From there, the show cycled through Cruz’s greatest hits, including when he helped defend a ban on the sale of sex toys as Texas’s solicitor general, “even though he himself is a complete dildo,” and filibustering Obamacare by reciting Green Eggs and Ham on the Senate floor. Then there was Cruz’s unsuccessful 2016 bid for the presidency. The Daily Show aired a supercut of all the insults Trump hurled at the senator, which included attacks on Cruz’s own wife and father. That was followed by footage of Cruz campaigning for Trump, seemingly placing the Republican Party over his personal beef.
Of course, The Daily Show couldn’t resist touching on a few of Cruz’s recent scandals. “Ted got to work rehabilitating his image,” Lydic explained. “He began doing relatable stuff,” like when his Twitter account liked “MILF porn” around the anniversary of 9/11, and “encouraging an insurrection against the government.” Then there was the backlash Cruz received for evading his own state’s winter storm for Cancún, a trip he later blamed on his own daughters.
“To Ted Cruz, the Earth is a mere booger dancing on his lips—tantalizing, mesmerizing, repulsive, waiting until the day he can swallow us whole and hope that no one saw it,” the late-night show summarized. Cruz has yet to publicly address the segment, instead tweeting about a recent dinner in Mar-a-Lago with Trump.
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